About Me
Hi, I’m Tommy Fugate. I specialize in saying big words like “strategy” and “messaging” with a straight face. I connect with people using bold fonts, confident buzzwords, and whatever the data tells me looks smart. Results may vary, but I always look like I know what I’m doing.
My Experience
Welcome to “My Experience." Where college clubs, unpaid internships, and strong vibes somehow qualified me to fight terrorism. Nailed it.
I'm Important Now
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Graduated magna cum laude in 2024 from UTSA with a degree in Politics and Law, also known as “Degrees Most Commonly Held by Guys Who Think Podcasts Are Personality Traits.”
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Interned at The Heritage Foundation and The Borgen Project, where I bravely sent emails and printed things.
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Worked for The National Automatic Merchandising Association, which is mostly about vending machines, but terrorism and snack logistics are basically the same, so whatevs.
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Served as Secretary General of the Model United Nations Society, meaning I once yelled “Point of order!” at a sophomore from Kansas.
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Participated in the Archer Fellowship Program, which is like summer camp for future bureaucrats who peak early.​
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Career Rocketship (Fueled Entirely by Nepotism and Vibes)
Before this sudden promotion, I was a “special assistant” in DHS’s Immigration & Border Security suboffice, a title so vague it might as well have been “guy who holds the clicker during PowerPoints.” Before that? I was a part-time gardener and grocery store assistant, where I developed key skills like bagging kale and not overwatering government secrets. And yet, here we are.
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In less than a year, I jumped from confidential assistant to head of counterterrorism prevention strategy, a role that usually requires, at the very least, a security clearance above “Knows What Reddit Is.”
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According to DHS, my rapid rise is due to my “strong work ethic,” which apparently now means showing up on time and not accidentally emailing ISIS a group selfie.
Why This Should Terrify You
This appointment followed the resignation of William Braniff, an actual Army veteran with 20 years of national security experience, who presumably couldn’t handle the cognitive whiplash of working next to someone who still says “facts bro” unironically. Braniff walked out. I walked in. And CP3, a program designed to prevent domestic terrorism, is now run by me, a guy whose biggest security achievement to date was resetting my dorm router. Critics have called the move “like putting the intern in charge.” Which is generous. At least interns usually have a handler.
The DHS Spin
In a statement that might as well have been written on a cocktail napkin, DHS said my appointment was “due to his success and work ethic.” Translation: I kept saying yes to things and didn’t ask for a raise.
Final Thought
Terrorism prevention is, like, super serious. And yeah, I get that some people are freaking out because I was literally on a student meal plan last year. But don’t worry, I’ve got this! I binge-watched Jack Ryan twice and played Risk all the way through without flipping the board once.
God help us all...
"Tommy is our least favorite child. Tommy is an only child."
- Tommy's Parents